I’ve been strong
And I’ve been broken within a moment
I’ve been faithful
And I’ve been reckless at every bend
I’ve held everything together
And watched it shatter
I’ve stood tall and I have crumbled
In the same breath
I have wrestled
And I have trembled toward surrender
Chased my heart adrift
And drifted home again
Plundered blessing
Till I’ve been desperate to find redemption
And every time I turn around
Lord You’re still there
I was found
Before I was lost
I was Yours
Before I was not
Grace to spare
For all my mistakes
And that part just wrecks me
And I know I don’t deserve this kind of love
Somehow this kind of love is who You are
It’s a grace I could never add up
To be somebody You still want
But somehow
You love me as You find me
Who am I
To think Your glory needs my praises
But if this borrowed breath is Yours Lord
Take it all
You are faithful and You are gracious
And I’m just grateful
To think You don’t need a single thing
And still You want my heart
I was found
Before I was lost
I was Yours
Before I was not
You wear the scars
For all my mistakes
And that part just wrecks me
Your love’s too good to leave me here
If You want my heart
I won’t second guess
‘Cause I need Your love
More than anything
I’m in
I’m Yours
Your love’s too good to leave me here
Your love’s too good to leave me
Now that the afterglow of Easter has passed, it is imperative we reflect upon what happens next. For it is easy to celebrate the cross of Calvary and empty tomb with gratefulness and appreciation to Jesus, but to what depth has His death and resurrection penetrated our hearts? I believe that is where a song like "As You Find Me," by Hillsong United, can help direct our paths to consider all God has revealed to us through the remembrance and celebration of Easter. I am a huge proponent of self-application as it relates to the faith in Christ we profess, because works produce fruit which testifies to the Spirit convicting change in our hearts. Scripture teaches, "What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and filled,' without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead" (James 2:14–17). Keep in mind, works do not save us in any way. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast" (Ephesians 2:8–9). If we take credit for the grace God has shown, we diminish the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf, and therefore, depend on self-preservation rather than complete dependence on Christ for our salvation. That is why I love this song so much, because it magnifies how lost we become when we attempt to strong-arm our way through life independently from God. It is an intimate song of reflection and one I personally identify with from start to finish. From my perspective, the essence of this song is simply, "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). For no matter what obstacles life throws our way, our only chance of survival hinges upon our ability to die to self and follow Christ no matter the cost. "Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?'" (Matthew 16:24–26).
"I’ve been strong and I’ve been broken within a moment. I’ve been faithful and I’ve been reckless at every bend. I’ve held everything together and watched it shatter. I’ve stood tall and I have crumbled in the same breath." If anyone has ever fallen away from their faith to one degree or another, these verses will strike a cord. I can attest this was my story at one, dark point in my life. I was raised in the Catholic church, saved from religion to faith after college, and have been actively involved in ministry most of my life. The only problem was my depth of faith and knowledge of God's Word were extremely shallow until 11-12 years ago. I knew the popular stories of Scripture but lacked true knowledge and wisdom to the extent I spent quality time with my Savior through prayer and Bible study. I was the prototypical "surface Christian," and my secretive lack of spiritual disciplines and Biblical application almost destroyed everything and everyone I hold dear. Jesus said, "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it" (Matthew 7:24–27). I was that foolish man! In retrospect, I thought I was spiritual strong, yet God broke me of my pride. I thought I was a man of good character, faithful and trustworthy, yet I was irresponsibly reckless and put my family at immeasurable risk. I thought I had self-control to resist temptation and choose righteousness instead, only to watch my patterns of deception and manipulation crumble before my eyes in exposition for all to see. The enemy clouded my judgment with self-deception and self-exaltation, but ultimately it was my choice each time I yielded to the flesh and chose to satisfy my desires rather than serve the Lord. "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall" (1 Corinthians 10:12).
"I have wrestled and I have trembled toward surrender. Chased my heart adrift and drifted home again. Plundered blessing till I’ve been desperate to find redemption, and every time I turn around, Lord, You’re still there." One thing I know from ample time spent regretting my failures is that God always provides opportunity to choose which direction we will take in life. "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry" (1 Corinthians 10:13–14). Anyone who has found themselves deep in the valley of despair can testify that choosing to obey God and not the flesh is one of the hardest decisions we will ever make. Simply stated, sin appeals to our senses and the enemy knows that, so he seduces us like an adulteress to suppress God's absolute truth in order to shackle us in bondage through guilt, shame and regret. "With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life" (Proverbs 7:21–23). Granted, Solomon's example focuses on the sin of sexual adultery, but are we not guilty of spiritual adultery every time we surrender our hearts to idols in our lives? We wrestle with temptation and tremble at the weight of each decision we make because we know what it's like to stand at the spiritual fork in the road and count the costs. If we're honest, we tend to squeeze every blessing imaginable out of God's grace until there is nothing left to gain for ourselves and we're desperate for replenishment. At that point we're willing to surrender, but only momentarily until the next payday comes and we're able to return to our strongholds. It is a vicious and unending cycle of sin/repent, sin/repent, yet one we're familiar with and content to resume despite knowing it will never truly satisfy our hearts. "Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him" (Proverbs 26:11–12).
"I was found before I was lost. I was Yours before I was not. Grace to spare for all my mistakes, and that part just wrecks me." These words are so incredibly powerful and paint a true picture of God's unending love for His wayward children. Jesus said, "You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another" (John 15:14–17). To know we are intentionally chosen and unconditionally loved by God is perhaps our greatest blessing this side of heaven, yet how often do we remember the immeasurable price paid for our salvation? In other words, Jesus died for our sins, but do we intimately remember that fact the very moment temptation appeals to our flesh? For example, is it enough to stop me from speaking harshly to my wife? Is it enough to stop me from complaining about difficult circumstances at work? Is it enough to stop me from sitting and watching sports rather than spending time with my children? Is it enough to stop me from thinking critically of others? When I examine my past, I see patterns of selfishness and self-righteousness deep below the surface undermining what appeared to be selflessness on the surface. In other words, I was proficient at funneling, calculating my outward behavior to satisfy selfish cravings below the surface. What is most regrettable is I foolishly assumed I had it altogether when nothing could be further from the truth. Undoubtedly, I was a spiritual hypocrite in every sense, yet God allowed me to roll around in the filth of my sin (just like the Prodigal Son) so I could recognize the error of my ways and seek retribution with Him and those I had sinned against. "But when he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants”’" (Luke 15:17–19). What we can never forget is that God intentionally chose to love us, knowing full well before He created us, every sin we would commit against Him. Therefore, if we reflect upon all the sins we have yielded to in our lifetime thus far, both great and small, and include all the sins we will regretfully make in the future as well, how can the absolute truth of God's unending and unconditional love not overwhelm our minds and completely wreck us to the core?
"And I know I don’t deserve this kind of love. Somehow this kind of love is who You are. It’s a grace I could never add up, to be somebody You still want. But somehow, You love me as You find me." The subtlety of this chorus is absolutely gripping considering the introspective weight of the lyrics and pre-chorus thus far. Typically, a song will crescendo to a chorus and explode in volume, yet the intensity of this chorus is found in its quiet simplicity. Paul reminds us, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). Because Jesus died in our place, we are reconciled to God if we trust Him as our Savior and make Him Lord of our lives. For it is true we all long for Christ to save us from eternal death, but do we stop short of making Him Lord of our lives? Lordship demands supreme power, rule and authority, which means we no longer submit to our flesh when temptation presents itself, but yield to the one who died to set us free from the power of sin. "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:6–8). There is no way we deserve infinite grace and mercy as often as we sin against God. However, His love is so amazing that He carved a straight and narrow path out of the depths of hell itself to provide an eternal way of escape if only we would surrender our lives and put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ. Our Father in heaven welcomes us home, filthy and broken like the prodigal son, just as we are when we return to him and turn from our wicked ways. And not just welcomes us home, He actively pursues us when we are wandering and lost till He finds us, and then carries us home when we are too weak to muster the strength ourselves. Jesus said, "What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish" (Matthew 18:12–14). The only prerequisite God requires to receive us home is humility, repentance and surrender of our will for His, but the choice is ours to make and we must choose.
"Who am I to think Your glory needs my praises. But if this borrowed breath is Yours, Lord, take it all. You are faithful and You are gracious and I’m just grateful to think You don’t need a single thing, and still You want my heart." Upon His ceremonial entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, Jesus' followers cried out in jubilation, "saying, 'Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!' And some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, 'Teacher, rebuke your disciples.' He answered, 'I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out'" (Luke 19:38–40). That story is important to remember because it proves God does not need us to praise Him. Creation itself testifies to His glory and majesty, therefore we are called to not only sing His praises but offer our lives as living sacrifices for whatever purpose He calls us to. Paul wrote, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect" (Romans 12:1–2). Paul knew that without complete surrender of our personal desires for the Lord's sovereign will, we would be powerless to fulfill His purpose and resist fleshly temptations in this world. Again, the Lord does not need us in any way, for there is nothing inherently good about us to warrant His pursuit of our hearts. "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out" (Romans 7:18). Yet that is exactly why His grace and love are so amazing, because though He doesn't need us, He desires to have a personal relationship with us despite our faults and failures. "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance" (2 Peter 3:9). "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost" (Luke 19:10).
"Your love’s too good to leave me here. If You want my heart, I won’t second guess 'cause I need Your love more than anything. I’m in, I’m Yours. Your love’s too good to leave me here. Your love’s too good to leave me." Scripture declares, "It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed" (Deuteronomy 31:8). Knowing how faithful God is to us, how could we ever doubt His presence in our trials when we affirm He is ever-present in our triumphs? "But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments" (Psalm 103:17–18). Knowing Almighty God sacrificed His Son to purchase our salvation, how could we not uphold our end of the bargain and follow His commands? I believe too many in the church today take their salvation for granted, myself included, far more often than we realize or care to admit. For it is one thing to know what Scripture says, and another to apply its wisdom. "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like" (James 1:22–24). That is the difference between a tree which bears fruit and one that withers away, just as it is for the souls of mankind who profess faith in Christ vs. those who profess faith and follow His commands in Scripture. Jesus said, "For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks" (Luke 6:43–45). We will likely never be the greatest Christians who ever lived, but the fruit which is harvested from our lives will bear witness to the depth at which Christ reigns in our hearts. For the love of Jesus is too overwhelming to leave us stranded for eternity with no hope for salvation, which is why it is our responsibility to not take His precious gift of grace for granted but live worthy of the eternal sacrifice made on our behalf for the forgiveness of sins. "I (Paul) therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:1–3).
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