Proverbs 10:19 (Devotion)

"When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."

I don't think any of us men would disagree that our words can have a negative impact on others....just ask our wives! Yet I believe in the language of Scripture it is easy to gloss over fancy words such as "transgression" and "prudent." If we slow down and define words more clearly though, we'll not only understand the wisdom of this proverb, but God-willing apply its truth to our lives more frequently.

According to Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary (which was originally written from a Biblical perspective), a "transgression" is defined as "the act of passing over or beyond any law or rule of moral duty; the violation of a moral law; breach of command." Therefore in applying this definition to Proverb 10:19, when our words are many, the potential opportunity for our moral compass begins to sway away from blessing and more to cursing. Conversely, "prudent" is defined by Webster as "cautious, practically wise, careful of the consequences," thus giving us the end in mind to calculate the impact of our words before they are spoken. I dare say that conflict resolution in marriage is a prime application in context of these definitions.

In the end, we must recognize our patterns of communication with others, and particularly in marriage. For me, I can easily fall into a trap of talking too much and not listening to understand others, especially my wife. I can be focused more on my defense or rebuttal than hearing the truth of an argument made against me. In truth, pride is the driving force, but it cannot be an excuse that hinders me from making positive change. I must learn to tame my tongue, and as my mother preached repeatedly to me as a child, "Think before you speak!" Only then will I begin to build a new discipline of not only measuring my words, but ensuring they are morally and Biblically sound before they are spoken.

Psalm 51:1-2 (Devotion)

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!"

The path of reconciliation to God begins with an acknowledgment of who God is. He is our creator, our judge and our redeemer. He is the Alpha and Omega, the author of life, and only through Him can forgiveness of sin be attained. More importantly as David affirms, God is the author and administer of mercy, and thus we simply cannot undervalue how critical His mercy is. Because without it, we are declared guilty without excuse. 

It is critical we understand that His love is the reason why He gives mercy, not because we deserve it. What we deserve is wrath, for His law (Scripture) declares that sin must be judged. But because He loves, He provided a way of escape for our eternal judgment by sacrificing His Son on the cross on our behalf.  And that is the epitome of mercy--not punishing us for what we deserve, but through grace providing an even greater gift of salvation and atonement that we do not deserve nor can never payback.

Cleansing of sin must be universal though, for all roots of sin must be eradicated like cancer for the whole body to survive. But there must also be specificity in order to determine that we fully understand the breadth and depth of our sins, otherwise we are more apt to fall victim again. When we take the time to acknowledge exactly what we did and how we ended up in our pit of guilt and shame, we begin the process of reconciliation realizing that only He can cleanse us because He is almighty. For time taken to reflect points to seeds of brokenness, and that is the ultimate goal God seeks for our sanctification.

Acts 9:1-19 (Devotion)

"But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him. And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; and taking food, he was strengthened."

Knowing how Saul was terrorizing Christians at that time, it is no surprise that Ananias was extremely hesitant/nervous/fearful about the Lord's request for him to give a message to Saul on His behalf. I dare say this would have been the most uncomfortable Ananias had ever been in his life, yet he trusted the Lord in obedience and chose to do what the Lord commanded. He chose to obey despite what his flesh was adamantly against.

We all cater to our comforts...it's our natural fleshly reaction. But how often do we choose to step forward in faith and do what is uncomfortable? We tend to calculate personal risk analysis in our faith application which often talks us out of sharing the Gospel or having any faith-related discussion with others. Some of us aren't "talkers" or "writers" so we choose silence over participation and use those excuses as crutches to fall back on to justify our lukewarm behavior or insecurities. Why? What is holding us back as Christians who are saved and have made our faith public in baptism? We can no longer be silent. We must embrace discomfort so that we become acquainted and comfortable with it, otherwise we will continue to marginally grow in our faith by choosing to isolate rather than embrace our faith community. If we wait to step forward or speak up till we become more comfortable, we will never grow to the potential Christ has in store for us. Let this be the moment YOU choose to embrace discomfort once and for all and interact in dialogue so that your countenance and the countenance of others can be sharpened for the glory of God.

Hebrews 12:3-7 (Devotion)

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”  It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?"

It is imperative that we as followers of Christ understand that God's purpose for our lives is our sanctification. We endure trials, hardships and persecution because through these, God admonishes, encourages, challenges and strengthens every fabric of our being in order that we may come to know Christ more intimately. None of us have suffered or will ever suffer to the point of shedding blood as Jesus did and the weight behind the choice He made for us. We can only accept His priceless gift and live our lives saved henceforth in praise and thanksgiving.

What we can draw our attention to is understanding that the discipline of the Lord is necessary for us to mature in our faith. Discipline is always purposeful when administered by God, so there is no need to resist it. We must embrace it and thank God for it. I can remember countless times when God allowed me to choose sin and its consequences and times when He prevented me from falling farther than I could have. In both cases, His hand acted in love and solely because of love. Why would I ever grumble or complain about that? Rather, I believe a perspective change is imperative to ensure we embrace God's timing and purpose for discipline if we are grow up in our faith. Because without it, we are vulnerable to misinterpreting God's will for our lives and why He does what He does, when and how He chooses.

Matthew 5:31-32

"It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Divorce is arguably one of the most sensitive issues within the church today. It is prevalent within secular society and unfortunately has greatly affected the Christian church at large as well. Regardless of the statistics between secular and non-secular, divorce is rampant and confusion regarding where the Bible stands on this divisive issue is of utmost importance if the body of Christ is to survive this epidemic.  

I am comforted as I write this post by the words of Christ who proclaimed, "He who has ears, let him hear" (Matthew 13:9). Preceding this verse, Jesus teaches the parable of the sower which reminds us that the Word of God is sustenance to men and women who proclaim themselves as born-again Christians, and of no value to those who reject its absolute truth. In turn, each of us receives the Word differently in our hearts based on our spiritual maturity and thus applies that truth accordingly to our theological foundation. "And he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty" (Matthew 13:3-8).

Again, it is absolutely critical that before delving into a hot topic such as divorce one must reconcile whether he/she believes God's Word is absolute truth, yet many Christians struggle with reconciling how they truly feel about Scripture. If we are to understand the heart of God, we must embrace John 1:1 as our foundation: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" (John 1:1). If Jesus is who He says He is in the pages of Scripture, even if one is accepting of the New Testament alone, Scripture in its entirety is absolute truth for Jesus was the fulfillment of Old Testament prophesy and teaching. “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished" (Matthew 5:17-18). Jesus therefore is the manifestation of God's Word and we must reconcile this truth first and foremost in our lives if we are to understand what Scripture says about ANY topic. "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14).

In order to understand what Matthew 5:31-32 details, we must grasp the context to which Christ is speaking. As we have learned in our exegetical journey through Matthew 5, Jesus directly addressed Pharisaical teaching and behavior that undermined the true meaning of Scripture. He did not contradict the Law (Old Testament) but clarified its deeper meaning concerning prevalent issues such as anger, lust, divorce, oaths, retaliation, and love for one's enemies. Jesus sought after the roots of sin within our hearts and removed all justifications regarding law-abiding. Murder became a deeper issue concerning anger and bitterness (Matthew 5:21-26). Adultery became a convicting examination to the lustful intent toward another (Matthew 5:27-30). And now divorce is stripped of its "irreconcilable differences/incompatibility" justification and clearly defined on the ground (not including 1 Corinthians 7:12-16) to which one is allowed (not mandated) to divorce, if necessary, according to Jesus in Matthew 5:31-32.

It goes without saying that this study will create a stir within the heart of many because it cuts deep to our core beliefs. It strips away surface discussions and forces us to make a choice regarding what we believe on hot topics that are commonly accepted all around us, such as divorce. "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account" (Hebrews 4:12-13). Let us all be soberly reminded that we all will give an account not only for our thoughts and actions, but for what we believe. Scripture demands we make a choice either in favor of God's Word in its entirety or not. For to pick and choose what we want to accept or not accept in Scripture undermines Christ Himself as declared in John 1:1. It's all or nothing concerning the Word of God.

Assuming one believes Holy Scripture is divinely inspired, inerrant, infallible, and absolute truth manifested in the person of Jesus Christ, one can now examine what the Bible has to say about divorce without reservation. As we consider Matthew 5:31-32, we must understand the content Jesus is speaking about, which draws us back to Deuteronomy 24:1-4 concerning the Mosaic legislation Moses put into place to bring order to the chaotic practice of divorce that was rampant. In those days, divorce concerning adultery was a non-issue. If one was found guilty of adultery under the law of Moses, the sentence was death by stoning, not an option for divorce. Where the aforementioned "certificate of divorce" came into play was due to the pressing hearts of sinful men looking to exploit their lustful cravings and seeking divorce for any reason whatsoever from their wives. This consequently left many women completely vulnerable and at immense risk. Something had to be done to protect women from frivolous divorce claims which provides the context to which Moses addressed the issue legislatively.

"When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance" (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). This law provided legal protection so that if a woman was given a certificate of divorce by her husband, he could not take advantage of her financially. "By charging his wife with some indecency, the first husband acquired her dowry--her father's marriage present to her--when he divorced her. Remarrying, she was given a second dowry. This example then implies that, when her second marriage ended (either through death of through more trivial grounds of divorce), she was able to keep her second dowry. The first husband is forbidden to remarry her to acquire her second dowry. This law protects the woman from exploitation by her first husband" (ESV Study Bible Commentary). Moreover, this legislation provided legal documentation that required a man to establish a viable reason under the title of uncleanness and prove that in the sight of two witnesses, thus eliminating frivolous and superficial justifications for divorce in order to protect the woman.

In order to further understand Jesus' position on divorce, we must cross reference Matthew 5:31-32 with another passage of Scripture where Jesus was directly tested on this issue. "And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery" (Matthew 19:3-9).

Here we come to understand why divorce was allowed, not commanded, and what God's design was from the beginning regarding the union of man and woman. Jesus cites Genesis 2:24 that what God has joined together, man shall not separate except in the event that adultery is present, which would provide the lone exception Jesus cites in Matthew 5:31-32 as allowable for divorce. Note that Jesus clarifies that divorce was never commanded, as the Pharisees held firm to in their own sinful teaching, but is allowed for adultery. And even more so, if a man unlawfully divorces his wife and marries another, he therefore commits adultery and causes his former wife to commit adultery as well if she remarries. The greater point here is that marriage in the eyes of God is a spiritual union, not merely a legal contract. A man and a woman become ONE FLESH in marriage, and that carries a deeper meaning than we could ever fathom. Consider the parallel understanding of how Jesus and the Father are ONE: "Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves" (John 14:10-11). If we understand the meaning of oneness that Christ demonstrated in His union with the Father, we can comprehend the severity with which God established marriage from the beginning. Marriage was, is and forever will be a covenant commitment of one man and one woman unto death in God's economy, which is why Paul so emphatically cautioned regarding adultery, "Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh" (1 Corinthians 6:16).

Jesus states clearly though that if a man or woman divorces their mate for any reason other than [greek: porneia] sexual immorality (i.e. sexual intercourse via adultery, fornication, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, etc.), the one who initiated the divorce commits adultery if he/she remarries and consequently causes the one who received the divorce to commit adultery as well if he/she remarries. There can be no confusion here regarding the implications Jesus declares when divorce is unlawful according to God's standard. This is as grievous a sin as is declared in Scripture and will be judged severely if not confessed and repented of, which supports God's overall position regarding divorce as recorded by the prophet Malachi: "You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless" (Malachi 2:13-16 ESV).  It is no wonder many Bible translations begin Malachi 2:16 with the emphatic words, "For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel" (NAS/NIV/NKJV/NLT/etc). Here we see that God views unlawful divorce as an act of violence due to man taking Deuteronomy 24:1 out of context and using the Mosaic legislation as a justification to divorce for any reason. The Lord will not regard or accept that divorce but judge swiftly and without remorse.

It is imperative to note that while this study is based primarily on Matthew 5:31-32, the apostle Paul does declare one other Biblical ground for divorce to the Corinthian church which is abandonment by the unbeliever. "To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Again, per John 1:1, we can safely accept this reason as endorsed by Christ since He is the manifestation and inspiration of God's Word.  Keep in mind that Scripture warns against a believer entering into a marital covenant with an unbeliever. "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14). However, Paul's instruction in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 addresses the fact that if a believer does enter into a marital covenant with an unbeliever, or two unbelievers marry and one becomes a believer after the fact, in neither case is divorce allowed as an option to the believer. In such a case, God desires to use the believer as an instrument of His grace to bring the unbeliever into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. Biblical divorce is only permissible if the unbeliever completely abandons the marriage altogether, thus providing the believer with the option of Biblical remarriage.

Now there are additional questions that this entire discussion raises regarding what a spouse should do in the event of great sin that is far from frivolous, but does not fall under the banner of adultery; in particular, abuse (physical, verbal, substance, etc). What must a spouse do if found in that circumstance both to protect him/herself and that of children caught in the middle? Paul provides some clarity: "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). I believe this provides the option of separation if absolutely necessary (ex: a drunkard who physically abuses at home) to allow for a time of protection and environment of stability while intervention, counsel and reconciliation are pursued. Without question, this decision should absolutely come after immense prayer, discernment, and wise, Biblical counseling. Never should a decision of this magnitude be made without the support of wise (certified if possible), Biblical counselors. Separation, while not an immediate escape route, is allowed if necessary, but that should be a time of deep prayer and spiritual reflection, not an avenue to pursue divorce or seek an adulterous relationship. 

Undoubtedly, there is the question of what should be done if you as a believer have taken the initiative and divorced your spouse on unbiblical grounds per Christ's standard. If both you and your ex are unmarried (and both believers), seek Biblical counseling together, reconcile the issues that caused the divorce in the first place, seek genuine repentance and forgiveness, and unite your marriage bond once again. If you or your ex have since remarried, again seek genuine repentance and forgiveness, but do not divorce your current spouse to reunite with your first to avoid causing your second spouse to commit adultery, nor cause your remarried spouse to divorce his/her spouse. Ultimately though, reconciliation between husband and wife is ideal for God can restore and redeem any broken marriage. For the Lord declares, "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten" (Joel 2:25). 

In summary:

• Biblical divorce is allowed for only two reasons: 1. Adultery (physical, sexual union with another male or female, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, etc.); or 2. Abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. (Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-9; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16)
• Separation is allowed under extreme circumstances as a time for prayer, counsel and intervention, and as a temporary solution for the goal of marital reconciliation to the separated spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:12-16)
• He/She who initiates divorce on unbiblical grounds, causes both parties to commit adultery if either remarry. (Matthew 5:31-32)
• Reconciliation for an unbiblical divorce is highly recommended with the aid of wise, Biblical counseling assisting throughout, bathed in attitudes of humility, repentance, and Biblical, positive change assuming both are believers. (1 Corinthians 7:12-16; 2 Corinthians 6:14)
• Remarriage is allowed for the faithful spouse when divorce is on Biblical grounds (see first bullet point).  The unfaithful spouse must first seek genuine repentance and forgiveness for sins unto God and the same toward the faithful spouse for reconciliation if the faithful spouse agrees to save the marriage. (Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-9)
• Remarriage is allowed when a spouse dies. (Romans 7:1-3)
• Remarriage is possible for a repentant spouse who caused a divorce and sought reconciliation of the marriage but was unable to due to the faithful spouse remarrying, unwilling to reconcile, proving to be an unbeliever, or is deceased.
• For further consideration and perspective on the topic of divorce and remarriage, go to: www.gracechurch.org/ministries/Resource.aspx?88

One over-riding question in this entire examination is why God would even allow divorce in the day of Moses if that was not His will nor intention from the beginning. Jesus provides the answer: "Because of your hardness of heart" (Matthew 19:8). This answer should strike a cord within every human heart for what man or woman can proclaim that his/her heart has never been hardened at some point. Hardness of heart is a point of judgment by God when we close ourselves off from the truth of His Word and judge for ourselves what is right or wrong. For Jesus highlights this hypocritical thinking by calling out divorce as a point of hardheartedness when it is decided outside of adultery or abandonment by the unbeliever. "Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed" (Romans 2:1-5). 

Let it be said however that even adultery in particular is not an unpardonable sin. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Be encouraged! For without question a marriage completely desolated by adultery can be redeemed, but it takes genuine repentance on the part of the offender, confession and acknowledgement of sin, 100% ownership of the sin without any justification of blame-shifting whatsoever, an unwavering desire and application of change consistently over time, and a humble attitude of heart that is focused on seeking forgiveness and reconciliation unto the authority and instruction of God's Word. Ideally, certified Biblical counseling is mandatory within this process, but again, reconciliation can occur if the offender applies these truths and the offended spouse is willing to forgive and reconcile. Yes, trust has been completely annihilated, but it can be rebuilt over time with accountability and consistency of a changed, repentant heart bearing the fruits of the spirit. Keep in mind though that this recipe for success will not in any way guarantee that the marriage will be reconciled. There are immense consequences for the sinful choice of an adulterous decision, some permanent. And while some offended men or women may choose to forgive and reconcile with their spouse despite adultery, others will be so consumed by a level of pain and betrayal that they feel they cannot overcome and will choose to divorce. And as such, the offended party is given that right due to the sinful actions of the adulterous spouse and the mandate of Matthew 5:31-32 proclaimed by Christ. 

Therefore, divorce may inevitably result despite a Biblical course of repentant action by the adulterous spouse, but it does not pardon the calling of Scripture to confess, repent, and sin no more regardless of whether the marriage will be reconciled or not. The first step in owning one's sin is reconciling first and foremost to God. That is always our first course of action for He is our Creator, Savior and eternal judge, and He lovingly offers unconditional grace, mercy and forgiveness to those who humbly confess and repent of their sins. "Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more" (John 8:2-11). The second step is always reconciling unto your faithful spouse whom you have sinned against in obedience to Scripture. "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24).

My prayer is that this humble attempt to unpack the issue of divorce has not fallen on deaf ears or hardened hearts but has been enlightening to those who may never have understood all that Scripture has to say concerning divorce, and in some cases (by the power of the Holy Spirit) convicting to those who may be struggling with the decision of divorce within their own current or past marriages. My desire is simply to present the truth of God's Word as accurately as possible speaking truth in love, and I pray that has been accomplished to the best of my ability. I encourage us all to examine the Scriptures for ourselves to ensure that our theology concerning divorce or any other issue aligns with what the Scriptures say if indeed we proclaim ourselves as born-again Christians. For "the law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer" (Psalm 19:7-14).

Matthew 2:16-18 (Christmas Devotion)

“Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, became furious, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time that he had ascertained from the wise men. Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah: ‘A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation, Rachel weeping for her children; she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.’”

Christmas is arguably the most celebrated holiday of the year, filled with good tidings and well-wishes, colorful lights and glamorous decorations.  We celebrate Christmas because of the birth of Jesus Christ—born of the virgin Mary through the power of the Holy Spirit, who came to earth in order to save mankind from eternal damnation. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Yet while Christmas invokes warm, fuzzy feelings like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold wintry night beside a roaring fireplace, the harsh reality is that Christmas came over 2,000 years ago with both rejoicing and mourning. Matthew's Gospel account brings a somber realization of the enormity of Christ’s purpose to sacrifice His life for all mankind. We would be hard-pressed to find this passage portrayed in a Christmas pageant nor would it ever be remembered as much as the angels, shepherds and wise men when the Christmas story is recanted. However, God inspired Matthew to pen these verses as a stern reminder and humble warning to all that from the beginning, the birth of Jesus Christ came in opposition to the selfish desires of man, both then and now, and we would be remiss to forget what happened in Bethlehem. Many fathers and mothers were physically forced to watch their precious baby boys being slaughtered before their very eyes, not as gifts but as sacrifices to the secular theology of sinful mankind (emulated through Herod’s decision) which elevated self-preservation.

That struggle is ever before us as Christians today.  Standing for the absolute truth of Scripture in today’s American culture is not simply old-fashioned or unpopular but hate language, and we are foolish to nonchalantly disregard the truth of that statement. No, the tide of post-modernistic thinking where truth is relevant and political correctness supersedes absolute truth is crashing upon the shoreline of our faith, and we must decide whether we'll stand boldly and weather the storm or be washed away in the secular current. The recent controversy surrounding Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty is a perfect example of the vulnerable state of our faith in today’s culture. Yet praise God that Phil is unwavering in elevating what Scripture declares as truth. It is emblematic of Jesus’ explanation regarding the Parable of the sower found in Matthew 13:1-9. “Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty” (Matthew 13:18-23).

“As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.”  My fellow Christian brothers and sisters, on account of the Word, we will be persecuted.  And because Jesus IS the Word, we must realize we cannot draw lines in the sand regarding what we like and don’t like in the Word. It is a package deal and rest assured, 100% controversial. “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). As born-again Christians, we do not have to draw a line in the sand between right (righteousness) and wrong (sin), for Jesus already has by creating boundary lines of judgment within the pages of Scripture. Therefore, we must stand confidently knowing Jesus is truth and came to “bear witness to the truth” (John 18:37) of His Word. “So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 10:32-33).

This Christmas season we must decide whether we stand for truth.  As born-again believers who have made decisions to follow Christ and make Him Lord and King over their lives, we must understand that in accepting Christ we are accepting His Word as ABSOLUTE TRUTH.  We cannot accept Jesus as Lord and not endorse, support and believe every word of the Bible as absolute truth, because “in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1). Therefore, we must decide whether we believe that truth or not because Scripture is unwavering on the issue. Jesus declared to Pilate in the midst of impending death, “Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice,” (John 18:37) and we must decide whose voice we will listen to, the world (culture) or Jesus.

Make no mistake, Matthew 2:16-18 drives home the enormity of salvation because accepting Jesus requires we accept the sacrifice that comes with it.  Accepting that Jesus was born of the virgin Mary requires we accept the sacrificial slaughter which came in opposition to the glorious birth of Jesus Christ.  For if we stand for Jesus, we must be willing to withstand the overwhelming tide of persecution and opposition which comes with obeying His Word. Therefore, will we shy away and crumble under the weight of political correctness to remain silent or endorse cultural controversial issues the Bible declares as sinful? Or will we declare like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who were threatened with fiery death, to denounce God and bow before the golden image King Nebuchadnezzar created? “Then Nebuchadnezzar in furious rage commanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be brought. So they brought these men before the king. Nebuchadnezzar answered and said to them, ‘Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up? Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?’ Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, ‘O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up’” (Daniel 3:13-18).

Therefore, are we willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for Christ? It is the only question which should be before the heart of every man, woman and child this Christmas season. For in choosing to rejoice in Christ’s birth, we must realize He came into the world to be the ultimate sacrifice like those baby boys in Bethlehem who were slaughtered because of the threat He represented to sinful man bent on dismissing truth. “Now therefore fear the LORD and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:14-15).

I fully empathize with the struggle of accepting God’s Word as absolute truth because it unashamedly judges every sin and leaves no room for justification or rationalizations which contradict what Scripture declares. However, we cannot fall into a trap of only accepting God as love and not wrath. For it was by God’s judgmental wrath on sin that we have Jesus to thank for being the ultimate sacrifice and providing salvation for us in spite of our sin which deserved wrath and eternal separation from God.  “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth” (Romans 1:18). “But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed” (Romans 2:5). “But for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury” (Romans 2:8). “But if our unrighteousness serves to show the righteousness of God, what shall we say? That God is unrighteous to inflict wrath on us?” (Romans 3:5).  “For the law brings wrath, but where there is no law there is no transgression” (Romans 4:15).  “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God” (Romans 5:6-9).

Bottom-line, our lives here on earth all come down to the enormity of what or who we define as our personal truth, and as Christians, whether we accept God’s truth as absolute in its entirety. We must be clear on the ramifications of either not accepting the Bible as truth or as perhaps is common today, accepting most but not all of Scripture as truth. John 1:1 states plainly that Scripture (i.e. the Bible) and Jesus are interchangeable, one in the same, the lifeblood of one another, and to not accept even a single word of Scripture as absolute truth is to denounce Jesus Himself.  For God is with us and we are obligated in submission to Jesus as Lord of our lives to fully accept Him and His Word because again, they are one in the same according to John 1:1, John 18:37, etc. This Christmas I pray every man, woman and child would not forget or dismiss the sacrificial reality of Matthew 2:16-18, because in truth (and as we are reminded in this amazing song and video) a baby came and everything changed for eternity.

LINK: Everything Changed - Christmas and the Cross

Matthew 5:27-30

"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."

The Bible has much to say about the cravings of the flesh and sexual immorality/idolatry.  It is the predominant sin associated with males from a physical standpoint based on the intensity of testosterone men possess within our bodies; and in essence, the accepted stereotype that mankind generally agrees with.  Men passionately desire sex with great intensity most often. Therefore, greater warnings are required for men to intentionally guard themselves when it comes to physical lust and desire for sexual satisfaction.  Whether fair or not, sex has always been and undoubtedly will always be the most relevant sin issue men face.  Where men face the greatest challenges are in the areas of transparency and vulnerability that defuse isolation and expose secrecy.   

In order to apply the divine inspiration of absolute truth Christ professes, a man must be willing to face his demons and accept the fact that what he feasts his eyes upon can easily become the object of his desire.  Jesus warned, "Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness" (Luke 11:34).  In our present culture where sex sells and women are indoctrinated from an early age to look a certain way in order to be pleasing to a man's eye, men are equally persuaded to lust after an air-brushed manifestation of the female anatomy (in a heterosexual example) that is most pleasing to them.  Therefore, beauty is diminished from that of a gentle and quiet spirit to a physical standard only, glorified by a chest, waist and hip measurements which fits the culture's standard of sexual perfection.

When men fall prey to this depravity of thinking, truth is completely relative to whatever a man wants it to be.  It becomes solely based upon experiential thinking interwoven among a web of false reality and fantasy, and a justification of desires masked under the facade of needs rather than the resolute promises and warnings of Holy Scripture.  A man would be best served to heed the warning of John who wrote, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever" (1 John 2:15-17).  True satisfaction will never be found within the pleasures of the world because they are temporary, for beauty fades over time and evolves through a downward spiral of depravity and vulgarity within our culture.  Therefore, why would a man pursue it with such passion and resolve when he knows full well the destructive consequences of his actions?  Is he not aware of the danger which lies before him, especially after he has fallen into the same trap, time after time without recompense?

There is no passage of Scripture that convicts me more than this for the level of guilt and shame I feel for my utter failure in relation to it.  I am permanently marked like a scarlet letter, completely self-inflicted, because I have not been able to maintain self control more often than not when it comes to resisting impure sexual thoughts and actions throughout my life.  "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls" (Proverbs 25:28).  And regardless of the forgiveness I have and continue to receive by my Lord and Savior through repentance, the memories of who I was and the sins I formerly committed predominately remain at the forefront of my mind each day.  True, with time memories fade (which I consider a priceless gift of mercy from the Father), and I am fully aware that forgiveness of self also plays into the equation.  But I have learned that God purposely does not grant "sin amnesia" for the sole reason that what brings us low to the foot of the cross is the single most imperative tool God uses for our benefit.  If I forget who I was, I will never appreciate the gift of grace God gave and continues to repeatedly give me in spite of myself.

As a self-proclaimed, born-again Christian man, it is my duty and obligation to heed the warnings of Scripture unconditionally.  I do not have the right to pick and choose what I believe is true and worth applying, and what can be minimized or written off as irrelevant to today's culture.  God does not give that option for it minimizes Jesus Christ who is the manifestation of the Word itself.  Consider this admonition of the apostle Paul as a foundation for God's perspective on the issue of sexual immorality: "'All things are lawful for me,' but not all things are helpful. 'All things are lawful for me,' but I will not be dominated by anything. 'Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food'—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, 'The two will become one flesh.' But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" (1 Corinthians 6:12-20).

Scripture declares, "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing" (James 1:22-25).  A man can never gain victory over the lust of his flesh without embracing Scripture as absolute truth and applying it unconditionally with full submission and obedience to its authority.  Truly, it seems too simple a reality that victory begins with truth, but in fact truth has always been the answer because Christ himself is God's manifestation of truth in the flesh.  Every man must wrestle first and foremost though with two pivotal questions: 1. Will he will accept Christ as truth? and 2. Will he will testify to the truth of Christ in his life by not only standing for what the Word says and represents (hearing) but for the freedom it provides (doing) when he lives it out for God's glory?

Let us begin with the foundation: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" (John 1:1), "and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14), "for the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ" (John 1:14-17).  Jesus cannot be separated from any sin discussion because He innocently died for sin in order to reconcile mankind unto the Father.  "He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth" (1 Peter 2:22). "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus" (Ephesians 2:4-7).  Accepting Christ is not simply a state of mind but a way of living that charts the course of a man's life.  Without it, he has no compass to guide him nor illuminate his wayward attempts of charting his own course in defiance of God's absolute truth. 

Thus in considering Matthew 5:27-30, once acceptance of Christ as absolute truth has been established, a man must confront his tempestuous process/tendencies of yielding to sin in order to understand what his degradation progression looks like when his lust becomes adultery.  In my experience, the process essentially follows this cyclical pattern:

1. His natural propensity to sexual stimulation by means of his flesh.
2. Temptations that stir his mind with promises of pleasure and satisfaction.
3. Methods which provide a medium, outlet or forum for acting out on his lust.
4. Consideration of the "balance scale" between perceived pleasure and consequences.
5. Acceptance/acknowledgement of what he knows to be wrong yet proceeds anyway.
6. Hormonal escalation to the point where mental fantasy results in physical climax.
7. "Moment of clarity" where his false satisfaction is replaced by the reality of his sin.
8. Guilt, shame and (in reality) empty promises to finally turn away from his sin.
9. Period of time where judgment is distracted until his sin desire is stirred and the cyclical pattern begins again.

While most men can logically follow the pattern of this list against their own experiences as true on the whole, the reality is that the "balance scale" and "moment of clarity" typically do not garner enough attention and prayerful consideration.  The truth of the matter is that God gives opportunities for accountability to men struggling with lustful temptations.  King David echoed this emphatically and without reservation following the consequences of his adultery with Bathsheba and subsequent murder of her husband, Uriah, when he plainly stated, "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me" (Psalm 51:3).  How refreshing are the pages of Scripture when the reality of my heart's condition is perfectly united with an imperfect man, who for the most part sought God's will throughout his life, yet struggled with sin progressions I personally relate to.  David understood the magnitude of his sin. "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment" (Psalm 51:4). Therefore, he humbled himself before the judgment of a Holy God, who forgave him because of his solemn and reverent plea of repentance by fully accepting and taking responsibility for his sins. "Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!" (Psalm 51:1-2).

I have personally not found one God-fearing, Bible-believing man who struggles with sexual immorality (which is a glorified term for lust and sexual sin) confess that he does not know the balance scale more personally than he cares to admit, nor refutes that the moment of clarity occurs when he sees the disparity between his flesh and the enormity of God's holiness more clearly than ever.  In that spiritually clarifying moment following the object of his obsession (typically, physical release/climax), his sin has been illuminated for what it truly is and he is nakedly ashamed and guilty for desiring what was wrong all along.  It is as if the clouds immediately roll back, darkness is scattered, and the light of judgment strikes with a convicting blow.  Why we as men do not hold fast to these moments of life-altering truth that emphatically shout, "Choose to sin, choose to suffer," is beyond comprehension!  But I know this is undoubtedly tried and true because I've personally lived and breathed its reality countless days that have morphed into years and decades.  I've weighed my lustful sin to the point of scheming my exit strategy in the throws and aftermath of adultery, so I know full well how warped the mind can become even for one who professes himself to be a follower of Jesus Christ.  How wretched and hypocritical I have been far too often, but how gracious and merciful is the God I serve that would lift me out of the ashes and declare that my life, though unworthy of being called a child of God, would be of great value to Him.  That is truth that defies all understanding because I have lived a life of "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" to the point where I simply wanted the weight of guilt, shame and remorse lifted at all cost, even if it meant exposing my secret sins and risking all my comforts and securities.  I intimately and regretfully know what it feels like to sin grievously and have to face judgment and immense consequences.  Yet in my depravity, God graciously continues to extend me an invitation for the forgiveness of my sins that simply declares, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from not on sin no more" (John 8:11b).  My heart can only respond in praise and worship, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" (Romans 11:33).

Truth is the only hope we have for breaking our respective sin cycles.  Daily study and examination of the Scriptures with an open spirit and a teachable heart are the first course of action.  Again, it seems simple, but truth is the starting point.  Consider the 9-point pattern listed previously with what the apostle Paul writes to the church in Corinth as a warning for essentially knowing what is right yet choosing sin over truth: "For I do not want you to be unaware, brothers, that our fathers were all under the cloud, and all passed through the sea, and all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea, and all ate the same spiritual food, and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed them, and the Rock was Christ. Nevertheless, with most of them God was not pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did. Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.” We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day. We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents, nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer. Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come. Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry" (1 Corinthians 10:1-14). 

It is imperative that we understand that temptations will always be present because we unfortunately live in a fallen world.  Yet in the midst of that truth, God provides a way of escape for those who trust in Him and are willing to take heed lest they fall.  When we come to our balance scale moments, we have not yet crossed the line of committing sin...but we are dangerously close.  It is in those moments that we need to remember the words of James: "Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am being tempted by God,' for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death" (James 1:12-15).  Temptation becomes sin when it is considered and thus yielded to.  When we yield, we obey the cravings of our flesh and quench the Spirit that seeks to guard us from our own demise at the workings of our hands. 

The moment of clarity following whatever method of climax a man receives (typically ejaculation) is essentially the moment we are joined with Adam and Eve when they bit into the fruit from the tree of knowledge.  We see the enormity and the rawness of our sin as they did and immediately seek to cover ourselves from the Spirit's conviction, as if it were foolishly possible to hide our sin from God.  We also witness how our sin pierces the flesh of Christ with deep severity.  We see how our sin severs our fellowship with God and yet we inevitably end up back in the same sin cycle sooner than we care to admit.  Many Christian brothers I have held accountability with over the years have echoed and affirmed the truth of that moment as we have identified in unison that the moment of clarity is absolutely real and in essence, spiritually haunting due to the level of conviction God allows us to experience.  How then do we cast aside those moments with empty promises of change rather than full surrender to turn away and never return to our depravity?  Why do we know full well that "the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Mark 13:38b), yet ignore it as if we never read this teaching proclaimed before?

I wrestle with these questions daily.  And while it can be detrimental to live in a state of guilt and shame after I have been forgiven and accepted Christ's sacrifice for my sin, it can be a turning point or spiritual marker when I realize that while I still am a sinner, I have been made new, washed by the blood of the lamb.  Therefore, as a born again Christian, I have the Spirit of the living God dwelling inside of me, enabling me to choose righteousness over sinful tendencies when I trust in the Spirit and not in my flesh.  I am affirmed for I follow a Saviour who can relate to my struggles, "For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted" (Hebrews 2:18).  In my inner-dialogue moments where I am balancing the scale of good and evil, I must remember, "Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:14-16).

The reality is this, Christ calls us as men to turn away from lust in every form and fashion.  Considering our wandering eyes that are easily swayed by the female anatomy (unless one is skewed toward the temptation of same-sex attraction), we must hold to the truth of Job: "I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?" (Job 31:1).  We must remember that opportunities will always abound when we are led by our sexual cravings: "For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol" (Proverbs 5:3-5).  We must not accept fantasy as truth and allow the false sexual appetite personified in pornography to become our sexual expectations in marriage.  We must see past the seductive mask that hides the wrath reserved for our wayward hearts.  "With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life" (Proverbs 7:21-23).

Most importantly, we must consider these convicting questions: "Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; none who touches her will go unpunished" (Proverbs 6:27-29).  Those of us who have tested the merit of these questions know firsthand the consequences of sin that destroy a wife's heart and demolish a family unit beyond comprehension.  Therefore, it is our duty and calling to warn our fellow brothers in Christ that the grass is not greener on the other side, and that so called "needs" are not inevitably met nor is full satisfaction found outside of the gracious gift of the wife God gives us.  "Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love" (Proverbs 5:15-19).

Let me clear on this though...there is absolutely, positively no justification to sin that enables a man to commit adultery both in his heart and mind or in the bed of an adulteress.  None!  Many men enslaved by the power of their lust never embrace this truth.  Conversely, they would rather justify and/or blame shift for their sinful choices on anyone and everything else that influences their lives.  "This is the way of an adulteress (or adulterer): she (he) eats and wipes her (his) mouth and says, “I have done no wrong" (Proverbs 30:20, emphasis mine).  Healing can come to a marriage though and forgiveness is possible when complete humility is embraced and consequences for actions are fully accepted by the individual at fault without excuse.  That is truly non-negotiable in order to gain victory over the downward spiral of lust that drives a man deeper and deeper into sin.  For sexual lust usually involves conquest, and with each conquest the severity of lust increases and his desire for manifestation of those fantasies which feed his depravity becomes more demanding, vulgar and grotesque.  It is a slippery slope indeed when wandering eyes evolve over time through various forms of idolatry until they are fully manifested in full blown adultery.  In these moments, this truth is clearly evident: "Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly" (Proverbs 26:11).

The Old Testament chillingly reminds us, "If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death" (Leviticus 20:10).  And while we do not live under OT law per say due to the sacrifice of Christ for our sins, the reality still holds true based on experiential knowledge that death is imminent.  Sadly, death is a reality for many men who have crossed the line of physical sexual adultery, as a carnage of broken trust has obliterated countless marriages and families both outside and within the walls of the church.  But we cannot be misled into believing that lusting after a woman and thus committing adultery in our hearts does not result in death either.  The punishment for sin is death and Christ pays for every sin, whether grave or minute, with His death on our behalf.  "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed" (1 Peter 2:24).   Sexual sin in the Bible is straight-forward enough that we cannot misinterpret how it is defined. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality" (1 Corinthians 6:9).  And while the point here is not that if you practice any of these particular sins you will not be saved; rather, what the apostle Paul is admonishing is acknowledgement that these practices are sinful and need to be resisted, not accepted.  Plainly stated, in practicing these sins, a man is resisting the truth of the Word, of Christ Himself, which can only magnify his lack of trust in God's provision and cast doubt on whether the fruit of the Spirit is even present in his life. Therefore, if you accept Scripture as absolute truth, you now have a starting point for understanding the depth and breadth of what qualifies as sexual sin, which is controversial even within the church amazingly enough on certain practices Paul clearly defines as sin.

Bottom-line, as men we are all susceptible to the temptations of sexual idolatry in its various forms.  Therefore, we rest confidently in the truth that "the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one" (2 Thessalonians 3:3).  We are in the midst of a truth war and sexual identity is at the center of its hottest topics for discussion.  Consequently, we must guard our hearts to the extent which Christ declares: "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell" (Matthew 5:29-30). 

There are tools available to help men who struggle with sexual addiction (which if you even look at a woman lustfully on a regular basis, you are addicted to lust...so don't bristle at the reality that you are a sexual addict and try to compartmentalize sexual addiction for deep gross perversion only!).  Most notably, filters and accountability software are available for practically every computer and mobile device that accesses the Internet to guard against pornography, chat rooms, etc. (Covenant Eyes, Pure Eyes, X3 Watch, to name a few).  Find an accountability partner (a trusted, devout, humble, Biblical brother in Christ who will hold your feet to the fire in love and not be passive for your soul's sake).  And men who are married, get your wife involved by holding you accountable by receiving accountability reports that detail and score everything you view online (if you want to build trust, embrace humility, die to self, and live in transparency before your wife to rebuild your marriage).  Concerning movies, screen them before you watch (Screenit.com).  Limit television in general or cut it our completely (honestly, there are very few channels that do not have anything sexual in nature), and have your wife password protect the television with parental controls for the sake of your children and for you.  When you're in public, bounce your eyes when you see an attractive woman and avoid browsing the covers of tabloid magazines, billboards, and other visual media used to exploit sexuality.  Avoid venues where sexual temptation is high according to your respective tendencies to frequent sexually stimulating locales (parties, bars, strip/gentlemen clubs, massage parlors, adult "porn" stores, red light districts, etc). 

Concerning married men specifically, avoid all opportunities of any form of personal relationship or friendship with a woman other than your wife that could compromise your marriage, your wife's security and her spiritual/emotional/physical protection.  Adhere to a simple test my personal counselor relayed to me: "Who would I rather offend in this moment, the other woman or my wife?"  Men who willingly provide a listening ear or shoulder to cry upon for another woman are flirting with disaster far greater than they realize.  Remember, most women are stimulated emotionally which means when you provide interpersonal communication and a caring attitude, you can in essence give a woman an emotional orgasm, which is usually a light-bulb moment for most men when they recognize the analogy of that truth for the first time as it relates to the physical orgasm they as men typically seek.  And please do not allow yourself to have lunch with another woman (sharing a meal together carries with it a 1-on-1 opportunity to speak intimately, which is extremely dangerous with a woman other than your wife).  Avoid contact with women altogether, plain and simple (keep the lines drawn firmly in the sand)....you will never regret that decision as a married man.  These are just a few suggestions for avoiding pitfalls which can propel you toward righteous living if you intentionally and consistently apply them to your daily routine.  Bottom-line, be proactive and resolute if you want victory over sexual sin and temptation.

In addition to placing guard rails in your life on what to avoid, it is also essential to embrace the absolute truth of Scripture in various forms.   Christian music that echoes the truth of Scripture helps bring the Word to life in many cases with a fresh perspective.  Songs like "Indwelling Sin" and "Prayin For You" by Lecrae which illuminates the inner-dialogue battle a man faces during temptation, "Killa" by Lecrae which brings to life the entire sexual warnings of Scripture found in Proverbs 5-7 in a most-chilling way, and "Covenant Eyes" by Trip Lee which echoes Job 31:1 are lyrical masterpieces that can remind a man of God's truth in a way that applies the Word to everyday living.  Bottom-line, the truth of Scripture can be preached to you audibly throughout the day as part of your routine, without having to stop and study Scripture in-depth when time is limited. Moreover, I implore with all of my being to men who are married and for those hopeful that God will grace them with a Christ-centered wife on day: please steer clear of the cavernous pit of comparison and/or expectations.  No greater mistakes have I made in my marriage than in the context of placing unrealistic expectations upon my wife that are (in truth) rooted in vulgar and unacceptable sexual practices manifested by the fantastical world of pornography I allowed my mind to be exposed to for multiple decades.  A wife, regardless of whether she is Godly or not, should never be subjected to comparison of quality or quantity as it relates to sex by her husband, nor expected to look a certain way in order to be sexual gratifying.  Never!  Nor should her body or appearance ever be demeaned in any way.  For "charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30).  The moment you allow your mind to wander down that lonely road of comparison and expectation, you are headed for disaster.  For Satan knows that you are always most susceptible to sexual sin when your mind is isolated in fantasy. 

Do yourself a favor and embrace the free gift of contentment in God's provision and self-control for the sake of my obedience unto Christ, for those are the only tools you have at your disposal to distinguish the fiery arrows that seek to destroy you.  "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers" (1 Peter 4:7).  Bottom-line, it literally takes a radical approach for a man to gain victory over lust and sexual sin.  Intentionality, unwavering commitment and consistency are absolutely critical in order to change behaviors that in some cases have been ingrained in a man's DNA for decades.  More importantly though, accountability is non-negotiable and mandatory to break the pattern of isolation that is the breeding ground for sexual immorality. "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment" (Proverbs 18:1)  Sadly, most men are not willing to relinquish lustful tendencies because over time they do tend to become a security blanket in times of stress, frustration and boredom.  Yet we were never promised an easy road to righteousness: "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few" (Matthew 7:13-14). 

In the end, a man must feed his mind with the truth of God's Word daily and seek wisdom and discernment through prayer, while offering praise, adoration and thanksgiving to God for the grace and mercy He continually provides.  My humble prayer is that as men, we all seriously embrace the warning Jesus provides in Matthew 5:27-30 and abandon our lives of isolation and secrecy by confessing ours sins, accepting full responsibility for our foolish choices, and living out our faith by weighing our balance scale moments in the hope that we never need a moment of clarity to illuminate our sin and show us how wretched we are before a Holy God who will judge our thoughts and actions.  "For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, 'As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.' So then each of us will give an account of himself to God" (Romans 14:10-12).